Feeling blue, but there's a PINK day ahead I know. : )

It's hard to know that he can still care for other people/girls, but he couldn’t even say hello or hi to you. If ever you’re dead, he wouldn’t even have a trace. He couldn’t even text or call you though you almost did the first move to miss a call and text him though not with a personal message, even to ask “are you still alive; whoa! you have survived without me?” He saw you online in Yahoo Messenger, but it’s as if you’re like the wind that passes by and will soon leave need not to pay attention that much. Sad part is you know he’s talking to a common guy friend that you’re chatting with at that very moment too, but he couldn’t even greet you for formalities’ sake. It hurts to know that he left you because he couldn’t fight for you or is it because he wanted to have a replacement, to find, to meet and to have a perfect girlfriend physically…chinita, like a snow queen, petite, tall (I have a hint already…is it the original or the replica?). And about the attitude…oh well, I don’t know exactly. You can't help but compare and feel awful..feeling like you're the ugliest creature on earth. He always tells you not get jealous, how is that possible if he couldn’t shower you with love, affection, passion…those that fills you inside (according to a friend of mine)? He chooses to tell/share secrets, problems to other people/girls rather than to his girlfriend(that’s ME)…I’ll be more than hurt, that’s what he said. Also, said I’m too tactless with things and I voice out what’s inside me and instead of making him feel better, I made him feel awful...like, i'm his girlfriend. Most probably I’ll do that! For me, it's better to hear my negatives from the people that is special to me rather than to those people whom I don’t know well enough to judge me, coz they don’t know me well enough too. Said he loves me so much, but he’d rather spend time with computers and when his dear ELAN came, I was left to die. Those are his passion I know, but he has gone beyond the limits…no more priorities. I love him, his family and friends, question is…do they love me? Biggest question is…does he love me? Did he really love me? The foundation had fallen, do we really have a foundation? GOD, did we really allowed you to enter our relationship? Did he really loved me reason why he need me or he needs me that’s why he love me? “Kailangan mo ba ako dahil mahal mo ako o mahal mo ako dahil kailangan mo ako?, excerpts from the movie MILAN. He’s so vain, he’s in to material things, but he couldn’t even give you a single gift for your 18th birthday…you’ve been apart for quite a long time, probably he can save money but all he can give is the rosary from his school that he owns and after a few weeks he’s asking if he could have it back. Oh well, I’m keeping the rosary inside my bag… So, in case I’ll meet him somewhere I can give it back. See, how selfish he is? Sometimes, it makes me wonder… Why others loves me oh so much, but with those people that I chooses to love and to love me, chooses to leave me after getting what they want? I was so shattered in pieces. I can still remember his 19th birthday on the 28th of that said month where we are at the cool-off stage, he invited a girl to go out and have lunch with him, but with me he didn’t…I even did surprised him with a party, together with my new found peers (US). My mom did the same the following day. Said he doesn’t have money, not even to buy a load to text me, how come he has money for a lunch date? Most probably his parents doesn’t like me for him or it’s him who doesn’t want me…coz i'm not filthy rich. We made plans together, but he left me in that master plan alone. Said he wouldn’t allow termites to destroy our relationship, that we’ll fight the "generational sin" hand-in-hand for our future children’s sake and of course with God’s mercy and guidance. But does guys really have to be polygamous? Can’t they control that? Can’t he stop that? He removed all of my testimonials, erased all hints that we’ve been together and even had almost sworn me to death with the things he has done and said which can be seen by people when we parted ways. Probably, he had those gifts, cards and pictures of us together thrown away…those I’ve given him. Things that gave people the impression of me being the worst girlfriend, better-half, partner and a companion a boyfriend, better-half, partner and a companion could ever have. Maybe it’s that easy for him to leave and forget about me. Probably, that’s it. That’s really the end of it. Oh well, if he really doesn’t want to be a part of his life… who am I to stop him? As if I can do anything… I know that time will come that I’ll meet that someone whom will cherish me, wouldn’t hurt me and will love me despite my imperfections. Need not to be him, but God’s blessing, gift to me.

~Rene. If ever you'll be able to read this, I would like to ask you to... text me in my globe# or smart# or with my new sun# 09226853967 or do drop me a message here in friendster or drop by our house if you can, not later than 12midnight today, the 15th of November of the year 2005, tuesday. My class is up to 7pm and i'll be home by 8pm. I know you go online everyday and most probably you'll be able to read this. I really need things to be final...no more stains, no more secrets, just plain truth. All is well that ends well. After this we could totally forget about each other, leave everything in a box, bury and promise to never dig it out whatever happens. We can both live our separate lives and be happy. No more reconcilliation and friendship for us...we had gone beyond our limits and it's just too much, if we'll strive to be together even as friends.~

= the poems i did a few years ago, during my high school years = ~well, i maybe up to being heart broken..poor fate for me.~

"THE GOODBYE OF A BROKEN HEARTED"
by: Ruth Ann R. Cailo

What a fool I am
For loving you so
Even though I know
You couldn't stay too long

I know I miss you very much
That everytime I think of you
My heart broke into pieces
And just a quick "hello" from you
Can bring the broken pieces back...

When you came into my life and becomes a part of it
But because of some reasons you couldn't stay
I won't cry too much...
I'll be glad that somehow our paths crossed and it made me happy even for awhile

I love you without knowing when,
I love you without knowing why,
I love you without knowing how,
It's hard for me to love you,
Knowing for you I'm just a friend

What a fool I am
for keeping on loving you
Though I know
There's no chance at all
For you to love me
The way I love you...

There's someone else who loves me,
The way I love you
But I can't give him a chance
"Because this heart of mine only belongs to you..."

LIHIM
Ni:Ruth Ann R. Cailo
Ng:3-Masikap ( in my 3rd year )

Ating pagkikita ay kaiba
Hindi sinasadya kung hindi itinadhana
Magmula sa araw na yaon
Galit sa puso ay ibinaon

Sa aking isip nagsasabing ikaw ay akin
Ngunit ang damdamin ay ayaw umamin
Kapag sa akin na ay lumapit
Langit ay parang akin nang sinasapit

Pagsasama ay mas tumibay
Ikaw ay kasama kapag nalulumbay
Puso ay hindi namalayan
Tanging hangad ikaw ay alayan

Subalit dahil sa isang pagkakataon
Pagmamahal ko ay tila nabaon
Ikaw pala ay umiibig sa isang dalaga
Ito ay sadyang kaysakit talaga

Kawalan ng pag-asang ipamalas
Pagmamahal kong hindi malalagas
Sapagkat ang puso’y inialay na sa iba
Lihim ay hinding-hindi na malalaman pa

Ngunit akin nang natuklasan
Damdamin ay hindi na matagpuan
Ito pala ay nasa kawalan
Naiwang luhaan at sugatan

Posted by Ruth ii Cailo on November 14, 2005 at 11:37 PM in Love Hurts | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)